How to Feel

by Confuse Ray

supported by

	/

Streaming + Download

Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

Purchasable with gift card

$1.50 USD or more

about

From Marissa: I wrote this song last year in the month leading up to the 1st anniversary of my father's death. When I finished it I hesitated to put it out, instead choosing to keep it private.
This song is a snapshot of where I was in my grieving process then. It only expresses how inexplicably dumbfounded I felt every time I tried to pull the memories around his death from my brain. The recollections I had from January and February 2021 were an erratic montage of blissful and painful moments. Moments that felt like they shouldn't be real.
We were in the depths of a never ending pandemic, no vaccines available, hospitals completely overwhelmed and in chaos, and countless people dying alone from new protocols that barred family entry.
My father in the midst of it all was dying, then dead, then sent across the country and buried with military honors surrounded by his family and blankets of snow just days before his 54th birthday.
It was all too much to process in a year. Maybe it still is...
But last year it didn't feel good to put this song out. Now it does.

So here you go, a depressing song to start your year!

lyrics

I don't know how to feel right now,
about the news I got just yesterday.
It isn't even real right now,
because we called and spoke the other day
and you sounded good
though you did not have very much to say
ah no, no

I thought I would be seeing you,
for your birthday it was coming up soon.
But now you will be buried at the
beginning of February
and I have no idea what I'm gon' do
without you.
oh, without you

This isn't even real right now.
How can this be real right now?
I can't believe it's real right now.

It's been about a year by now,
and all of it is flooding right through me.
I haven't come to terms with this
just pretending it's all missed opportunity
to just call each other and say I'll come
see you someday soon.
But I miss you
and deep down
I know that it's true

This isn't even real right now? oh
How can this still be real right now?
I can't believe it's real right now.
This can't bee real right now.
This isn't even real right now.
ah no, no
ah no, no

credits

released December 31, 2022

license

about

Confuse Ray Seattle, Washington

Two married best friends based in Seattle making music for music's sake.

SoundCloud

contact / help

Contact Confuse Ray

Streaming and
Download help

Report this track or account

If you like Confuse Ray, you may also like:

Works on Progress Vol. 1
by Works on Progress

This vibrant cross-genre compilation of BIPOC musicians from New Orleans features Christelle Bofale, Delores Galore and more. Bandcamp New & Notable Feb 23, 2021
go to album
Already Out of Time
by Stoop Kids

featured on Bandcamp Radio Feb 10, 2015
go to album
too far from town to learn
by GoldFlakePaint

featured on Bandcamp Radio Nov 22, 2016
go to album
Anatomy
by Jennah Bell

featured on Bandcamp Radio Jul 5, 2016
go to album
Sweet Company
by Vicky Farewell

Released on Mac Demarco's record label, the California artist's debut EP unpacks dense emotions by way of warm, texturally robust indie pop. Bandcamp New & Notable Apr 7, 2022
go to album
Sounds Of Haejin
by Caroline Chung/Citizens Jazz

The veteran Oakland jazz artist presents her first full-length album made in partnership with members of Citizens Jazz. Bandcamp New & Notable Apr 9, 2021
go to album
Warm Heaven
by Magic Island

R&B melodies with rich synth instrumentation, these five songs from Berlin’s Magic Island sweep and soar. Bandcamp New & Notable Jul 7, 2019
go to album